When we look in the mirror, we see the face that we are used to seeing. This is not the face that is displayed in photos or seen by others, but instead an inverse of that. Our features are close to what we know, but with an uncanny dissimilarity. In order to paint a self-portrait that is accurate to our outward appearance we must paint a face that is not completely familiar to ourselves. We will never in our lives fully know how our own face appears to others.
Self-portraiture displays my biased view of self while struggling with depersonalization and body dysmorphia. The act of creating a self-portrait is an introspective conversation and an external examination. It is the retrieval of memories that define how we view ourself. The image that we have of who we are is dictated by what we believe to be true about ourself. Memories play a part in defining self by constructing our narrative identity. Memory loss has caused my narrative to feel incomplete. Fragments of my memory are recreated on canvas and curated in film. They stand alone, but when put together form a more complete depiction of identity than what I had before.