Stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. It is a method of exerting power and control in an abusive relationship.
18-24 year olds experience the highest rates of stalking. Stalkers may also target people close to the primary victim, such as family members or a new partner.
A vast majority of the time, the victim knows the perpetrator. Although a majority of stalkers are current or former intimate partners, many stalkers are not intimate partners. Particularly for male victims, the stalker is often an acquaintance.
Stalking Signs & Resources
The following are some national numbers on stalking, revealing that there are many myths regarding this crime.
- 6.6 million people are stalked in one year in the United States.
- 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men have experienced stalking victimization at some point during their lifetime in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed. Using a less conservative definition of stalking, which considers any amount of fear (i.e., a little fearful, somewhat fearful, or very fearful), 1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 men reported being a victim of stalking in their lifetime.
- The majority of stalking victims are stalking by someone they know. 66% of female victims and 41% of male victims of stalking are stalked by a current or former intimate partner.
- More than half of female victims and more than 1/3 of male victims of stalking indicated that they were stalked before the age of 25.
- About 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 14 male victims experienced stalking between the ages of 11 and 17.
- Repeatedly receiving unwanted telephone calls, voice, or text messages was the most commonly experienced stalking tactic for both female and male victims of stalking.
(Michele C. Black et al., “The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Summary Report,” (Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011).
- 11 percent of stalking victims have been stalked for 5 years or more.
- 46 percent of stalking victims experience at least one unwanted contact per week.
- 1 in 4 victims report being stalked through the use of some form of technology (such as email or instant messaging).
- 10 percent of victims report being monitored with global positioning systems (GPS), and 8 percent report being monitored through video or digital cameras, or listening devices.
(Katrina Baum et al., “Stalking Victimization in the United States,” (Washington, DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2009).
The following are examples of actions a stalker might take.
- Follows you and shows up wherever you are.
- Sends unwanted gifts, letters, cards or emails.
- Damages your home, car or other property
- Monitors your phone calls or computer use.
- Uses technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where you go.
- Drives by or hangs out at your home, school, or work.
- Threatens to hurt you, your family, friends or pets.
- Finds out about you by using public records or online search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors or coworkers.
- Posts information or spreading rumors about you on the Internet, in a public place or by word of mouth.
- Other actions that control, track or frighten you.
Stalkers often use technology to stalk their victims. The most common stalking behaviors are unwanted contact, spreading rumors, following and spying. Stalkers can use technology to track, spy and/or harass their victims.
- Over 1 in 4 stalking victims report being stalked using technology.
- 10% are stalked using Global Positioning System (GPS).
- 8% report being monitored through video, digital cameras, or listening devices.
The information provided can be found at Stalking Prevention Awareness and Research Center website.
If you are being stalked, you may:
- Feel fear of what the stalker will do.
- Feel vulnerable, unsafe, and not know who to trust.
- Feel anxious, irritable, impatient or on edge.
- Feel depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, tearful or angry.
- Feel stressed, including having trouble concentrating, sleeping or remembering things.
- Have eating problems, such as appetite loss, forgetting to eat or overeating.
- Have flashbacks, disturbing thoughts, feelings or memories.
- Feel confused, frustrated, or isolated because other people don't understand why you are afraid.
The following are some common responses to the stress of stalking:
- 46 percent of stalking victims fear not knowing what will happen next. (Baum et al., (2009). "Stalking Victimization in the United States." BJS)
- 29 percent of stalking victims fear the stalking will never stop. (Baum et al.)
- 1 in 8 employed stalking victims lose time from work as a result of their victimization and more than half lose 5 days of work or more. (Baum et al.)
- 1 in 7 stalking victims move as a result of their victimization. (Baum et al.)
- The prevalence of anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression is much higher among stalking victims than the general population, especially if the stalking involves being followed or having one's property destroyed. (Eric Blauuw et al. "The Toll of Stalking," Journal of Interpersonal Violence 17, no. 1(2002):50-63.)
Several murders of stalking victims have highlighted the fact that people who stalk can be very dangerous. Stalkers can threaten, attack, sexually assault and even kill their victims. Unfortunately, there is no single psychological or behavioral profile that can predict what stalkers will do. Stalkers' behaviors can escalate, from more indirect ways of making contact (e.g. sending email or repeated phone calling) to more personal ways (delivering things to the victim's doorstep or showing up at their work).
Many victims struggle with how to respond to the stalker. Some victims try to reason with the stalker, try to "let them down easy" or "be nice" in hopes of getting the stalker to stop the behavior. Some victims tell themselves that the behavior "isn't that bad" or other sentiments that minimize the stalking behavior. Other victims may confront or threaten the stalker and/or try to "fight back." These methods rarely work because stalkers are actually encouraged by any contact with the victim, even negative interactions.
Victims of stalking cannot predict what stalkers will do but can determine their own responses to the stalking behavior. Personal safety and harm prevention is of the utmost importance for victims. While victims cannot control the stalking behavior, they can be empowered to take steps to keep themselves, family and loved ones safe. The creation of a safety plan can assist victims in doing this.
A Stalking Safety Plan - What is it?
A safety plan is a combination of suggestions, plans, and responses created to help victims reduce their risk of harm. It is a tool designed in response to the victim's specific situation that evaluates what the victim is currently experiencing, incorporates the pattern of previous behavior, and examines options that will positively impact the victim's safety. In a safety plan, the factors that are causing or contributing to the risk of harm to the victim and her/his loved ones are identified and interventions are developed.
Advocates and Stalking Safety Planning
While victims can make safety plans on their own, it is often helpful to enlist the assistance of trained professionals such as advocates for Alternatives to Violence of the Palouse. These professionals, can help a victim determine which options will best enhance their safety and will work to devise a safety plan to address each unique situation and circumstance.
What to Include
When safety planning, victims can consider what is known about the stalker, the people who might help, how to improve safety in one's environment, and what to do in case of an emergency. The average stalking case lasts approximately two years; therefore safety planning must begin when the victim first identifies the stalking behavior and continue throughout the duration of the case. Safety plans need to be re-evaluated and updated continuously as the stalker's behavior, the victim's routines, and access to services and support changes.
Below are suggestions to consider when developing a stalking safety plan. This is not an exhaustive list. In a safety plan, any recommended strategy must focus on what the victim feels will work in her best interest at any given point in time.
Documentation of Stalking and Reporting to Police
Victims are encouraged to keep a log of all stalking behaviors including emails and phone messages. The log, as well as any gifts or letters the stalker sends the victim, can be collected and used as evidence. The evidence will help prove what has been going on if the victim decides to report the stalking to the police or apply for a protective order.
Rely on Trusted People
Many victims have found simple ways to make the stalking affect them less. They may ask someone else to pick up and sort their mail, get a second phone number given only to trusted people, or have people at work or school screen phone calls or inform the police if the stalker shows up. Relying on trusted friends and family is important for victims of stalking to help keep victims safer and also reduce the isolation and feelings of desperation that stalking victims may experience.
Technology Safety Planning
Stalkers use technology to assist them in stalking their victims in various ways. It is important to consider how victims may be harmed by stalkers' use of technology. Stalkers use the Internet to contact or post things about the victim on message board or discussion forums. They may also verbally attack or threaten victims in chat rooms. Some stalkers will post threatening or personal information about the victim — including the victim's full name and address. Often stalkers will email the victim, or fill their inbox with spam and have been known to send viruses or other harmful programs to victims' computers. These threatening messages should be saved, especially if the victim is considering contacting the police with the case.
If stalkers have access to a victim's computer, they can track them by looking at the history or websites visited on the computer. Also, stalkers have been known to install Spyware software on computers (sometimes sent through email) that sends them a copy of every keystroke made, including passwords, websites visited, and emails sent. Spyware is very difficult to detect and a victim will likely not know she has it on her computer. If a victim believes s/he has a Spyware program on her/his computer, it is important the victim talk to a trained advocate.
Stalkers use cell phones enabled with Global Positioning System (GPS) to track victims. GPS technology can also be used to track or follow victims by placing them in the victim's car and will be able to tell everywhere the car travels. When safety planning think about if the stalker has ever had access to the victim’s phone or computer. If so, it may be important to stop using the phone or computer, or only use it in a manner that will not give the stalker any information about the victim's location.
It is also important for victims of stalking to remain diligent about protecting their personal information that could be saved in databases. Businesses, for example, collect personal information about people, including addresses, phone numbers, last names, etc. This information can sometimes be accessed and exploited by stalkers. One stalking victim's ex-boyfriend learned of her new address by "innocently" inquiring at the local oil change station if she had recently brought in their car for an oil change. Because that business had her information stored, they gave the stalker the address the victim had wanted to keep unknown to the stalker. Victims are encouraged to consider who might have their personal information. They should instruct businesses to not give out any personal information. In many instances, victims can ask that their account be password protected. This password should be one only known to the victim and no information should be released or discussed until the password has been verified.
Although no safety plan guarantees safety, such plans are valuable and important tools to keep victims safer, document incidents that happen with the perpetrator, make surroundings more secure, and identify people who can help.
- If possible, have a phone nearby at all times, preferably one to which the stalker has never had access. Memorize emergency numbers, and make sure that 911 and helpful family or friends are on speed dial.
- Treat all threats, direct and indirect, as legitimate and inform law enforcement through the Moscow Police Department immediately. It is recommended you report the stalker to the Dean of Students Office, who can help victims process the situation and choose options available to them, including accompanying to the police department.
- Vary routines, including changing routes to work, school, the grocery store, and other places regularly frequented. Limit time spent alone and try to shop at different stores and visit different bank branches.
- When out of the house or work environment, try not to travel alone and try to stay in public areas.
- Get a new, unlisted phone number. Leave the old number active and connected to an answering machine or voicemail. Have a friend, advocate, or law enforcement screen the calls, and save any messages from the stalker. These messages, particularly those that are explicitly abusive or threatening, can be critical evidence for law enforcement to build a stalking case against the offender.
- Do not interact with the person stalking or harassing you. Responding to stalker's actions may reinforce their behavior.
- Consider obtaining a protective order through the Dean of Students Office.
- Trust your instincts. If you're somewhere that doesn't feel safe, either find ways to make it safer, or leave.
- If in imminent danger, call 911 and locate a safe place.
Safety at Home
- Identify escape routes out of your house. Teach them to children.
- Install solid core doors with dead bolts. If all keys cannot be accounted for, change the locks and secure the spare keys. Fix any broken windows or doors.
- Have a code word for danger friends and family know
- Inform neighbors and, if residing in an on-campus living group or off-campus apartment, any on-site managers about the situation, providing them with a photo or description of the stalker and any vehicles they may drive if known. Ask your neighbors to call the police if they see the stalker at your house. Agree on a signal you will use when you need them to call the police.
- Pack a bag with important items you'd need if you had to leave quickly. Put the bag in a safe place, or give it to a friend or relative you trust.
- Consider putting together a "stalking sack" that includes the stalking log, a camera, information about the offender, etc.
Safety at Work and School
- Give a picture of the stalker to security and friends at work and school.
- Tell your supervisors. They have a responsibility to keep you safe at work.
- Ask a campus security officer to walk you to your car or to the bus through the Campus Safe Walk program. Campus Security officers will respond to your call and walk you to where you need to go. Call Campus Safe Walk at 208-874-7550.
- If the stalker contacts you, save any voicemails, text messages and emails. Take screen shots of comments on Facebook and other social media sites and tools, such as Twitter.
- Make sure that the school and work know not to give your address or phone number to anyone.
Copyright - 2009 by the National Center for Victims of Crime. This information may be freely distributed, provided that it is distributed free of charge, in its entirety and includes this copyright notice.
Stalkers use many strategies to stalk their victims. The acronyms S-L-I-I can help you remember the different methods (many of the categories intersect and overlap):
- Surveillance: How is the stalker tracking or monitoring the victim?
- Life-Invasion: How hast the stalker invaded the victim's life?
- Intimidation: How has the stalker intimidated or threatened the victim?
Download the SLII pdf to document any incidents.
How You Can Help
To better understand the impact that stalking is having on a victim, ask questions about what the victim has changed as a response to the stalking.
For example, did they move? Change routes to and from their work or school? These imply fear. Something may be frightening to the victim but not to you as an outsider.
If you're ever in a situation where you don't understand why something is scary to a victim, it's always best to ask to learn more.
It is important to really understand what stalking is (and is not). Continue to educate yourself on stalking. Educating your community on stalking can make victims more aware of when they are being stalked and more likely to take the threat seriously and seek help.
Call out stalking when you see it. Stalking is not requited love, awkward, or harmless- it's a crime and it's dangerous. Be critical of how stalking is discussed and shown in the media and voice your concerns to your friends and family.
We have the power to end stalking. Stalkers stalk because they know they can get away with it. We can change that. Many communities lack the resources to address stalking adequately. Advocate for more resources on stalking in your community. Talk with your friends, loved ones and community about healthy relationships and stalking. Get involved in anti-stalking efforts in your community.
If you care concerned for your safety or someone else's at home, school, and/or work, contact us at the Office of the Dean of Students.
There are so many strategies and simple actions you can offer a friend who is being stalked. Remember, women and men can be stalking victims. One in 6 women and 1 in 19 men will be the target of a stalker. The following are suggestions for helping a friend or family member deal with stalking.
- Talk, listen, respect, and be emotionally available. Accept the fact that the stalking is happening. Don’t minimize the behaviors that have occurred.
- Understand that it is not your friend’s fault.
- Listen non-judgmentally.
- Suggest options and actions but let him or her decide what action to take. Contact resources to learn more about options.
- Let your friend talk about his or her fears, but don't force a discussion.
- If you know the stalker, do not share any information with him or her about the victim. Do state your desire for his or her behavior to stop. Be firm.
- Do not attempt to moderate between the victim and the stalker.
- Offer shelter if possible, but know and communicate your limits about your own safety and needs. Alternatives to Violence of the Palouse offers safe, confidential shelter for stalking victims.
- Educate yourself on stalking and services available. Check out the vast resources and links from the national Stalking Resource Center.
- Talk with people you can trust and take care of your own emotional/physical health.
- Don’t post information about your loved one on social networking sites. Never use sites like Facebook or Foursquare to reveal their current location or where they hang out. It's possible their partner will use your post to find them. Brush up on your knowledge of digital safety.
- Allow the person you're trying to help to make up their own mind.